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there's always tomorrow

the black clouds are here, and for today anyway their here to stay. i can tell you pretty much how today will go. i'll ly here staring at the sealing, not wanting to see, speak or interact with anyone. because, why would anyone want to see speak or interact with a useless hopeless pathetic person like me? oh stop feeling sorry for yourself you might say, you need to just get on with it you might say, well let me tell you on days like this that's much easier said than done. on days like this my mind is my worst enemy. on days like this i have to cancel appointments because just the thought of having to interact with someone else nearly brings me to tears. then i hate myself because i've had to cancel these appointments because i feel so awful. on days like this i won't want to pick up the phone let alone leave the sanctuary of my bedroom, of my bed, because this is the only place i feel safe at this moment in time. so i will ly here with my books music and my thoughts, trying to distract myself from whatever made me feel this way in the first place. it's on days like this i can't see what everyone else sees, the bright confident girl who's outgoing and sociable, who's always up for a laugh, sitting here now i'd give anything to be that girl, even for just 5 minutes today. i don't want to talk, i don't want to do anything, i just want to be alone! please, everyone just leave me alone. i promise i will be everything you want and more, just not today, i can't, it's just too hard! the last thing i want is to push people away, i'm so lucky to have so many amazing friends and on days like this that's all i do, push them away, because on days like this their better off without me in their lives. why would they want this shell of a person for company? someone who can't even pretend to be happy? because on days like this all i can see is never ending darkness. here within these 4 walls i don't have to pretend, i can lay here and just be quiet, or cry and cry until there are no tears left. on days like this i hardly recognise myself, because i'm not myself. on days like this do you know what gets me through? there's always tomorrow...