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coming home

hi all, hope everyone is doing ok. i'm at my nan and granddad's for the weekend, i'm sat here remembering the many entries i used to post when i was here nearly 5 years ago, i came here to escape my problems, couldn't quite get away from them though, the bailiff visit springs to mind. i'm off back home tomorrow, which means i'll spend the majority of the day on a train. i love it though, i wouldn't have it any other way, it just makes getting home even better. when we get to the english boarder i know i'm on the home stretch, i can feel the train climbing higher towards scotland. if anyone had told me 5 years ago that i'd end up living in scotland, i probably wouldn't have believed them, i'd only ever known that edinburgh was the capital of scotland. let me take you back to may 2013. i was living in a poky 1 bedroom flat with my 2 gorgeous cats. i was down the road from my mum, living in the town where i spent my first 14 years. my life was going nowhere. there were no real opportunities in folkestone. from the day i left when i was 14, i made up my mind that some day i'd be back, and 8 years later that came true. but the novelty had warn off and to be quite honest i was becoming depressed. my friend fee invited me to her vow renewal ceremony in edinburgh, i was excited because i'd never been to scotland before, and it was going to be quite a treck getting up there as i couldn't afford the train, so i took the coach. so the day came, and i was knackered as i'd had hardly any sleep. i got a taxi to the coach station in ashford, and so began a very long day. i arrived in edinburgh 14 hours later, feeling pretty tired and in need of a drink. the moment i stepped off the coach i knew i was going to like edinburgh. that weekend was amazing, i got to meet some new people and found out a bit more about edinburgh. i was sad to leave on the monday but i knew i'd be back some day. a month later, fee asked if i'd like to move up there, as you do. she pointed out that i wasn't happy where i was and this would be a fresh start. when i actually sat down and thought about it she was right, i needed a fresh start somewhere different, and this was it. everyone i told was either surprised or thought i was mental, looking back i can see how crazy it seemed, but i knew deep down it was the right thing for me. so within 2 months of stepping off that coach, i'd packed up my life, said my goodbyes and was on the train for waverley, wondering if i was doing the right thing, what the hell had i let myself in for? but the moment i got into a taxi and heard bagpipes on waverley bridge i knew eventually things would be ok. and nearly 3 years later i'm still there. the last 3 years haven't been easy, there have been many ups and downs, and there have been times i've wanted to chuck in the towel and say, you were all right, it was a mental idea and you can say i told you so. for a long time i felt i had to prove myself to a lot of people, but i don't have to anymore. last year i came so close to moving back to england, i thought i was doing the right thing for me and my future baby. but the more i thought about it and the more plans started to take shape, the more i felt it was completely the wrong thing to do. just the thought of having to pack up my life again brought me to tears, i couldn't comprehend it. i'd worked so hard to build the life i had, gone through so much along the way, that to give up now would be awful. the day i made up my mind, i was standing on the beach with my support worker shirley, some of my friends. i stood there and thought, how can i give any of this up? i've made this wonderful city my own. i made up my mind for deffinate then, i was going to do whatever i had to to make it work. after i'd made that decision, i felt so much better, i hadn't realized it but all that worry had started to make me ill. it's only when you come close to losing something you realize what it really means to you. since moving to edinburgh my confidence has gone up so much, i can now do busses on my own for one thing. ok the mobility side hasn't been fantastic, but that's not my fault. i may not have the best social life there, but i'm more than happy that my friends are spread out across the UK, makes things more interesting. i know there's not a lot of blind people that would just pack up their lives, move to a place hundreds of miles away and start again, but since i was 8 years old, i've had to adapt to moving around, first into foster care time and time again, then to live with my dad when i was 14, then to college in hereford, uni in wolverhampton and so on. when i moved 3 years ago, i knew i wanted to stop moving, i wanted somewhere to settle. and that's exactly what i've done, i've got my gorgious house, i live in a city that agrees with me in ways i never thought it could, i'm proud to live there, the fact people speak so highly of it helps too, and one thing i wish i could apreciate is how beautiful it is. i go back to folkestone sometimes to see everyone, and i love doing that. i had dinner with my sister last year and she said that she wanted to move away, that there was more to life than little old folkestone, and i completely agreed. as lovely as it is, there's a bigger wider world out there, and i'm so glad that she wants to explore it. as for me, i'm done with moving around, caledonia your calling me, now i'm going home.