hi all, well i'm back again, wide awake as per usual the night before i go away anywhere. off to hereford tomorrow to spend the weekend with louise and stephen, really looking forward to seeing them. over the past couple of days i've been watching documentaries on people who have tons of money, i'm talking multi-milionairs. i may spend money, but it's peanuts compared to them. i haven't really publicised this, but i was awarded compensation last year, i'm not going to inclose the amount, but i was able to buy my own house and make my future very secure, never in my wildest dreams did i think i'd ever be able to own my own house. i came from nothing, my parents have nothing, we never went on any amazing holidays, only disney land paris when i was 6 or 7, and that was donated by lots of lovely people who fundraised for me, i have no idea why because i'm nothing special, but the people at a pub we used to go to thought so. we weren't on the poverty line but we weren't comfortable either. i'm glad about that because it taught me to expect nothing, we were always taught to be grateful for what we have, these days kids seem to get everything because if they don't there's a chance they'll get bullied. kids are being bought iPads computers etc for christmas, it's ridiculous. but anyway i digress. i went from being in debt, having to struggle each month to pay the bills and live, to being financially secure for the rest of my life, and let me tell you, it's a shock to the system. i always said before the money it would never change me, and it hasn't in the grand skeeme of things. yes, i went a bit crazy at first, but tell me who wouldn't? but i've calmed down a hell of a lot now you'll be glad to hear. having money has made me realise who my real friends are, and i have some lovely ones who don't see me as a bank. there have been people who have taken advantage of course, and i've made those mistakes and learnt from them. i've also had some lovely experiences, going to florida with my dad's side of the family earlier this year, going all the way to vancouver last year to meet my fave singer sarah mclachlan, to see her in concert had always been a dream and to make that become a reality felt amazing. the most important things though are that i have a roof over my head, i'm debt free and above anything else, i will be able to provide a secure future for my future child. the other side of the coin though is that money can be very isolating. on one of the documentaries i was watching (britain's spending secrets) anne robinson went to see a billionairre who lived in a 90 million pound mention in mayfair a rather nice part of london. it was clear to see from the outset that this man wasn't happy. he had this amazing house, a house that most of us could ever dream of, yet he lived there alone, not through choice, but for whatever reason that was the way things had turned out. it was incredibly sad, all the money and the world, yet he was extremely depressed. then you see people in britain's flashiest families, people that don't bat an eyelid at spending 500000 pounds on a woodland for an anniversary present, just ridiculous. i can quite understand why normal people like us would feel bitter towards those types. another person featured was a previous big brother winner, she made her millions in property i think. she came from a working class background, was homeless at 15, and until entering big brother she didn't have a penny. then she got money so quickly and the spending started, she goes to harley street, a rather posh hospital in london to have cosmetic surgery. she went back to the womens hostel she stayed in when she was homeless, it effected her but not as much as it should, i could tell she'd forgotten where she came from, she was more focussed on the amazing money filled life she had now, and that she could buy that hostel if she wanted to, it felt very superficial. no matter how much money i have, i will never forget where i came from, i will never take money for granted. money certainly doesn't buy you happiness, and it certainly doesn't make you powerful. no matter how much money i've got, i will always be the girl who came from a small town in kent and never expected anything from anybody.
- Current Music:Airplanes (feat. Hayley Williams) - B.o.B